


Something Wrong in the Village

by Multishipperlove



Series: Trans Vax'ildan [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Coming Out, Gen, Menstruation, Other NPCs mentioned, Other Vox Machina members mentioned, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Vesper Elaina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21563167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multishipperlove/pseuds/Multishipperlove
Summary: Five times Vex could have noticed that her oldest daughter is actually her oldest son. And the one time he told her.(This fic is from Vex' POV and Elaina doesn't out himself until the end, so he is continously referred to with the wrong pronouns, terms like 'daughter', etc. Please do not read if this has a chance of making you upset. This is very much an outsider's point of view on a trans child and Vex is oblivious)
Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia
Series: Trans Vax'ildan [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609090
Comments: 31
Kudos: 219





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For everyone's convenience, I will post the names and ages of the quarter elves for every chapter.  
> In this one we have:  
> Vesper Elaina (8)  
> Freddy and Johanna (5)  
> Julius (3)  
> Whitney Arianna (under one year)
> 
> Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!

“Mom?”

“Yes darling?” 

Vesper crept a bit closer from where she'd been lurking in the doorway. Vex had already noticed her oldest a few minutes ago, but decided to let the child come to her when she was ready. Especially since she was still busy with feeding Whitney, who was barely a few weeks old at this point, and still required most of her attention. 

But if there was one thing she could do by now it was multitasking, so she easily tucked the eight year old closer with the arm that wasn't currently holding a newborn and let her settle down. Vesper didn't say anything else at first, seemingly content with watching her little sister and just being with her mother. 

The baby fell asleep shortly later though, and as Vex buttoned back up she gently nudged Vesper to get up. “Do you want to help me put her down?” she asked, offering her oldest a hand as they made their way to the nursery. For now she still preferred to have Whitney with her or Percy at almost all times, but they'd slowly started to leave her alone for small periods of time as long as she was asleep. With their four other children, and their ridiculous amounts of responsibilities, it made a lot of things easier again. 

Thankfully they managed to put her down in the crib (handcrafted in a group effort by the rest of Vox Machina, as a gift for Vesper's birth, since the original furniture had either been destroyed or sold off by the Briarwoods) without waking her up again, and now that Vex could focus on other things she gently wrapped her arms around Vesper and pressed a kiss to her dark hair. 

“Now, did you need something? Or did you just want to spend some time with me?” While asking, she dimly wondered where all the other children were, but surely the maids or even the guards would have notified her by now if there was any trouble. Any obvious trouble, at least. 

Vesper relaxed in the embrace and leaned closer, before shrugging her shoulders. “Not really. I just had a question.” 

She tapered off after that, and Vex wasn't sure where the sudden shyness came from. “Okay, what did you want to ask?” she asked, trying to encourage the girl. 

The answer came slightly muffled through her own dress, since Vesper was still leaning against her and apparently didn't want to move. 

“What would you have called me if I was a boy?” 

Vex was a bit surprised at the question, but didn't really hesitate with her answer. “Well, I suppose you would have your younger brother's name. You would be Percival Fredrickstein IV.” 

The girl frowned at that. “Does that mean that Freddy would be called Julius now?”

“Who knows, maybe,” Vex replied amused. “Maybe not. He could be Oliver, or Ludwig. You know that all of you are named after your father's family, but to be honest, we never had a strict order for that. We took the names that seemed to fit you best.” 

“But I'm named after your family, too. Right?”

“Yes, darling. Elaina would have been your grandmother's name,” she told her, as she had told her and all the other children so many times. Not surprisingly, names were a big deal in their family when everyone was named after someone else. 

Which was part of the reason why she had insisted to give at least one child a name that was completely new, that didn't have any kind of history attached to it. Which was also, in turn, how Whitney had ended up with the second name Arianna, just because Vex had liked it, and to perhaps bring a new name into the tradition.

Because despite everything that had happened since, despite the fact that the castle was once more filled with the sounds of tiny footsteps and laughter, of the general chaos that could only come from family, there was still a tad bit of grief attached to every name they gifted to their children. It only welled up when they talked about the people these names used to belong to, but that didn't make these moments hurt any less. 

She was ripped from her thoughts when Vesper moved again, taking a step back now and leaning over the edge of the crib instead. “If Whitney was a boy, would her name be Oliver or Ludwig?” she asked. After all, she knew the names of her dead uncles and aunts, and she knew which ones were missing. 

Vex stepped up beside her, placing a hand on her back. “Hmm, I don't know. I don't think she looks like an Oliver or a Ludwig, do you?”

Vesper frowned again, cocking her head to one side to look at her sister from another angle, and shrugged. “No, I guess not. Would she be called Vax then?” 

The question was innocent, and shouldn't have been surprising, but even after eight years it still took Vex breath away. Percy had offered it, of course, when Julius had been born. But the pain was still too close. 

“No,” she answered again, doing her best to keep her voice steady as she blinked away the tears. “No, that's... I don't really think that's an option, darling. It's- different, with your uncle Vax.”

Vesper nodded. They had told the children about Vax, of course. Not everything, not yet, just like they didn't know the whole truth about Percy's siblings either, but they knew the important things. 

Not wanting to give the child the feeling that she'd done something bad by bringing Vax up she started to run her hand up and down Vesper's back and gently guided her away from the crib, out of the room. Which also meant they'd have less of a chance to wake Whitney again. 

“Let's stop talking about hypotheticals, alright? Let's try and find your siblings, maybe we can all settle down and read something, or free your father from some really boring meeting,” she told her with a smile, before lowering her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “And while we're looking for everyone, I'm sure we can stop by the kitchen. Just to see if they need someone to taste test dessert for this evening.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to every trans kid who's tried stealing their sibling's clothes without really knowing why.
> 
> Ages:  
> Vesper Elaina (9)  
> Freddy and Johanna (6)  
> Julius (4)  
> Whitney Arianna (1)

“MOOOOM!”

Vex sighed and put the papers she'd been trying to focus on aside, just as Freddy came barging through the door of her study, chest heaving with indignant anger. 

“Yes darling?” 

“Someone took my sweater!”

It took her a moment to catch on and realize that he was probably talking about the sweater Keyleth had given him for the last Winter's Crest festival. 

She'd taken up knitting over the last year, and her first project had been christmas sweaters for all the de Rolo children, which had mostly tunred out horribly oversized and a bit lumpy overall, but the kids absolutely loved them. Every sweater had the respective name of the child stitched on it as well, which actually helped a great deal in telling which one belonged to whom.

Which, in turn, made Freddy's accusation a bit odd. 

“Are you sure you've looked everywhere?” she asked him, getting up now and laying a hand on his shoulder to hopefully calm him down a bit. “Every inch of your closet?”

“I did!” came the immediate protest, and a pout that told her he felt like he wasn't being taken serious. “I even looked in Johanna's room, but it's not there either.” 

“Alright, then let's see if I can help,” she sighed, gently steering him towards the door. “If it's really not in your room, maybe someone took it by accident. Or it's still in the laundry. Whatever it is, we'll find it.” 

The boy nodded, leaning heavily against her now as they were walking, and dragged his feet a bit. His level of upset really wasn't surprising to her, considering that almost every gift from their adventuring friends was considered somewhat sacred by the kids, and she really hoped he'd just overlooked it somehow. As far as she was aware everyone had been getting along today, so she couldn't imagine one of the other children taking it just out of spite. 

As they entered Freddy's room, she wasn't surprised to see Johanna there as well. In theory, the twins both had their own rooms, but most often they ended up in the same one anyway. At some point, Percy had build bunk beds for both, so at least they weren't dragging their bedding over the castle floors anymore when they were switching from one to the other. 

Johanna was currently sitting half inside the room's closet, apparently having overtaken what her brother was doing earlier, and making a huge mess by throwing everything out that wasn't the desired sweater. That would definitely take some time to clean up again. 

“Well, I can see you've been thorough with your search at least,” she chuckled, prompting Johanna to sit back and look at them. 

“I told you it wasn't here,” Freddy muttered, while his sister nodded and quickly jumped to his aid.

“And I told him we had to make really really sure so we took everything out so you'd see we weren't lying.” 

“Can I assume your room looks the same then?” Vex asked, holding back another sigh. Not that she didn't appreciate her children's attempt at problem solving, just their methods needed some working on. At the twins' nods, she briefly reconsidered her stance on dealing with situations like this herself instead of just asking a servant to clean it up. But they had to find the sweater first anyway. 

“Alright, we'll deal with the chaos later then. When's the last time you saw it?” she asked, turning to Freddy again who was still tucked against her side.

“Yesterday,” he told her immediately, not even needing to think about it. “I was in here with Daddy to pick out pjamas and then we went back to Jo's room for storytime.”

That made sense at least, she figured. “And when did you notice it was missing?”

“When we came inside because it was cold in the gardens. And I wanted to wear it.” 

At this point Vex had to admit that maybe, just maybe, someone had taken it. But she really couldn't think of a reason why, and a six years old's memory was also maybe not the best thing to go on. But asking the other children couldn't hurt at least. 

Ten minutes later most of their family was gathered in their living chamber, except for Percy and Whitney. Percy was currently in the center of Whitestone, discussing official business with Keeper Yennen, and had taken the one year old with him. 

Which left Vex with the twins, who she already knew had no idea where the thing in question went, and Julius and Elaina. Her oldest had recently insisted on using her second name, saying she wanted Vex' mother to be remembered just as much as all of Percy's siblings. It had taken some reassurance that the 'original' Vesper wouldn't be mad at the change, but after that it hadn't been an issue. And a small part of Vex still had to admit that it made her happy. 

Looking at both of the other children she could already tell something was wrong. Elaine seemed tense, even defensive, sitting with her arms crossed over her chest and looking way too sullen for someone who had just been called away from her homework. But maybe it had nothing to do with the reason they were here though, so Vex made a mental note to ask her about what was going on after this. 

Julius, on the other hand, was all smiles and had already wormed his way into her lap. “Comfortable?” she asked him amused, just as he seemed to settle down and leaned against her with a grin. 

“Yeah!”

“That's good. In case you two are wondering why we called you, Freddy has noticed something missing from his closet.” She stopped and looked at him, waiting to see if he wanted to speak up himself. But he was still slightly sniffly and apparently more comfortable with just leaning against Johanna. 

“So we were were wondering if either of you two had seen his Winter's Crest sweater,” she finished, looking down at the boy in her lap first before looking over to Elaina. To her surprise, Julius started to squirm slightly, and her eldest shrugged.

“That's dumb, why would any of us take it?” she muttered, actually refusing to meet Vex' gaze. “We all got our own.” 

“I never accused either of you of taking it,” Vex clarified calmly, though her daughter's reaction was definitely suspicious. “I just asked if you'd seen it. Did you?”

Elaina shook her head, and Vex really wanted to believe her. But there had to be something more. For now though she turned to Julius again and ran a gentle hand through his hair. “Did you?”

His reply was a very hesitant no. 

“Are you sure?” 

He bit his lip, started squirming again, but stayed quiet. 

“Darling, if you've seen Freddy's sweater, it would be really nice if you told me where. You would be upset too, if yours went missing, right? Freddy is very upset right now.”

That seemed to help, but Julius was still really quiet as he answered. “I saw 'Laina with it in the hallway this morning. But she made me promise not to tell anyone.”

Before Vex could say anything else Elaina was already out of her seat and running, but at least she managed to catch Freddy around the waist before he could follow. At the same time, Julius started crying. 

“Alright, let's all calm down!”

It took her a few minutes to convince Julius that it wasn't his fault that Elaina would be in trouble and that no, she probably wasn't going to hate him, while also making sure Freddy wouldn't walk off and try to solve this on his own. When he finally accepted that and agreed to help his sister watch over their younger brother for a moment she let the three of them alone and instead made her way to Elaina's room. 

Which was locked. 

“Elaina, darling, are you in there?” 

She didn't get an answer at first, but could clearly hear something moving on the other side of the door. 

“Vesper Elaina de Rolo, open the door, please. Now.” 

Another moment, then she heard the tell tale click of a key being turned and retreating footsteps. So Vex opened the door herself and stepped in, seeing Elaina sitting on her bed now with her knees drawn up to her chest. 

“Where is it?” Vex asked, keeping her voice soft. A nod toward the kid's desk showed her the missing sweater, neatly folded on top and looking like it had never been touched. 

Closing the door behind her Vex walked over, picking up the piece of clothing before settling down beside Elaina. “Would you like to tell me why you took it?” she asked. “Did Freddy do something to annoy you?”

Elaina shrugged at the first question and just shook her head at the second. “'S not like it fits him anyway,” she muttered, firmly keeping her eyes on the sweater. “It's dumb.”

“Your's doesn't really fit you either, does it,” Vex argued. “And I know you don't wear yours as much as the others tend to do, but you still wouldn't want anyone to take it, would you? You would be mad if Freddy just came into your room and stole something. Because that's what you did, you stole from your brother.” 

“I did not! I just... I borrowed it,” Elaina tried to argue, tears now obvious in her voice. “I didn't think he'd notice.”

“The point is that you did it without permission, dear. What you did was stealing, even if you intended to give it back. Do you understand that?” 

A nod. 

“Okay. But why did you want it in the first place?”

Elaina let out a sob and shook her head again. “I don't know! I just... I don't know, I swear.” She broke down after that, and Vex quickly gathered her into a hug. It was a bit of a worrying reply, but right now it seemed a lot more important to get Elaina to calm down again. 

“Alright, alright... shhh, you're okay, darling. It's okay,” she whispered, muttering more reassurances to her until he tears finally seemed to cease and the sobbing had turned to nothing more than the occasional sniffing. 

Somany emtions about one sweater. Vex couldn't wait for Percy to return and hopefully help with all this mess. 

“Okay now?” she asked, wiping the last tears from her daughter's face and getting a shaky nod in response. “Alright. I think you owe your brother a big apology, first of all. Brothers, actually, telling Julius to lie about this was not okay either.”

“I know. I'm sorry,” Elaina whispered. 

Vex nodded, and started rubbing her back again. “Good. That's the first thing then. And after that, you can help the twins clean up their rooms, because they turned their whole closets inside out to look for this thing.” 

She groaned at that but agreed easily enough, at least seeing reason in the punishment. 

After a few more minutes she was ready to return to everyone else, the sweater clutched to her chest. Handing it over to the original owner went without much trouble though, which Vex thanked her lucky stars for, and even though Freddy still seemed miffed he accepted her apology. 

Vex never did get back to the documents on her desk that evening, but after a group effort in cleaning the twins' room and some shared time, at least everyone seemed to be getting along again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Menstruation. More mentioned than explicitly dicussed, but still.
> 
> Ages:  
> Elaina (13)  
> Freddy and Johanna (10)  
> Julius (8)  
> Whitney Arianna (5)  
> Olivia Cassandra (1)
> 
> Enjoy and please let me know what you think! Seriously guys, I would really appreciate some comments :')

“Mom?”

“Yes darling?” Vex didn't look up from where she was currently pouring tea for Percy and herself, but she could hear Elaina stepping into the kitchen. 

“Uhm. I was wondering, where's our medicine kit?” 

Her head finally turned at that, not able to help the brief panic shooting through her at the question. But looking at Elaina she seemed fine, or at least not injured. “Why, what happened? Where are your siblings?” 

Elaine rolled her eyes. “Nothing happened, everyone's fine. Probably. I just... it's not where we usually keep it, so I was wondering.” 

Vex had set the tea aside by now and was giving her daughter all of her attention, arms loosely crossed over her chest. “Your father took it to his workshop a few days ago, I think, there was a little accident with the furnace.” Nothing that wouldn't heal in time, but Vex was still forcing him to take a break from his work for a few days. “But that still doesn't tell me why you need it. What's going on?” 

The girl squirmed under her gaze but then mirrored her mother's pose, looking down at the floor as she shrugged. “I just wanted to know. You know, in case of emergencies.” 

“Well alright, you know now,” Vex replied, deciding to let her keep whatever secret she was holding onto. She seemed fine, after all, and she'd always come to them in the past when something serious had happened. Vex had to trust her to continue that. “Just remember, it's not a toy.”

Elaina nodded, and that was the end of it for the time being. Vex let her leave, making her way back to the living chambers while still shaking her head over the weird exchange. But Percy and the little free time they could share for once soon made her forget it. 

A couple of weeks went by before she would remember it again.

Vex had taken a load of laundry into the girl's room, assuring the servant who'd been tasked with it originally that she was heading that way anyway, and as she was placing it on the bed she noticed something peeking out from under the bed. She bend down, thinking it might be a stuffed animal that had fallen down, but when she tugged it out she realized it was a bed sheet. A discarded sheet stained with blood. 

The dots weren't too hard to connect from there, and she could see a very awkward talk in their future. 

She decided to make time for exactly that conversation the same evening, as Percy was putting the twins to bed. Managing at least three different bed times had once again become more complicated with a baby around, but at least they had more than enough experience. Olivia had been a pleasant surprise, a happy little accident so to say, but they had already talked to Pike to make sure it would be the last. Percy liked to joke that they only needed one more boy to complete the set, but they were both very aware that six children were enough.

(Also, Cassandra had protested the idea of Olivia carrying on her name as a second one at first, but they all knew she was secretly very pleased by it)

So with their part of the castle significantly calmer than it usually was during the day, she managed to get Elaina alone for a moment. She was already in her room, and let Vex in as soon as she knocked. 

“Hey. Have a moment to talk?” Vex asked, remaining in the open doorway for now. 

Elaina looked up from the book she was reading, a bit confused, but nodded. “Sure...”

She walked in, closing the door behind her now to give them some privacy, and then settled down on the bed as well. They wouldn't be starting completely from zero, and yet she was slightly more nervous than before the other sex ed talks they'd had with their children. 

At least all of them knew where their little siblings came from. Percy had been very adamant about not lying to the kids, or telling them what some parents considered a “child friendly version” of child birth. He'd insisted that it would only make the eventual reveal more complicated, and sitting here now, Vex had to admit he was right. 

She could also very clearly remember when she had first started her period, and how freaked out she'd been, knowing nothing about it. Naturally, Syldor hadn't been any help. Eventually one of the servants had pulled her and Vax aside, and done her best to explain the whole thing. It was the last thing she wanted for her own daughters. 

Pulling herself back into the moment, Vex leaned back against the headboard and tried to get more comfortable. “So, I was in your room this morning to put some laundry away, and- I noticed the bed sheet you were hiding.”

When Elaina's first reaction was to freeze up and going as pale as her father, Vex realized that maybe that approach had sounded too much like an accusation. “Oh no, darling, you're not in trouble. Come here.” 

She tried to pull Elaina closer, gather her up in a hug, but instead the girl withdrew even further from her. Feeling like forcing her into physical contact would be even worse, Vex let it happen. 

“It's okay,” she told her again instead. “I just wanted to know if maybe, you wanted to talk about it. Was this why you asked me for the medicine kit a while ago?” 

Elaina, now rigidly sitting against the other end of the bed, hesitated for a moment but then nodded. “I didn't want you to- I guess I didn't want you to find out, for some reason,” she admitted quietly. “But it's not like I didn't know what was happening, so I handled it. And so what, right? What would you have told me, that I'm “a woman” now?” 

The last part almost sounded like a challenge, and Vex had to stifle a laugh at Elaina's disgruntled expression. “Well, I think there's a bit more to adulthood than this,” she told her with a slight smile. “And I'm proud you were able to handle this yourself, but still. I'm open for any questions, now or later. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

“I know,” Elaina sighed. She deflated a bit, some anger apparently draining out of her, and as Vex opened her arms again she took the invitation and crawled closer. “But I still don't really want to talk about it. It's just... really annoying. And gross.”

Vex chuckled and patted her shoulder. “Kinda, isn't it. Rest assured, there are herbs and potions that can help, but we can talk about that some other time. If you can honestly tell me you're fine for now, I'm not going to force it.” 

She felt Elaina nod against her shoulder, relaxing a bit more as she muttered a quiet 'thank you'. 

There were a few more minutes of more or less comfortable silence, before Elaina spoke up again, sounding even more hesitant than before.“You- I mean, you and dad, you're not- gonna start looking for a suitor or anything, are you? Freddy made that up, right?”

It was Vex turn to freeze up, giving her daughter an incredulous look. “Freddy told you what now?”

“I don't know, he said he read it in a book or something!” Elaina replied defensively. “And, I mean, I've read it in books before, too...”

“I certainly know what kind of books you're talking about, but the answer is no. Definitely not. And if anyone suggests to my face that we should, there will be murder in this castle,” Vex told her, before she could say any more. “And this time it will be justified. None of you are getting married off for political reasons, or so help me Pelor.” As much as she enjoyed her status now, these were the things she was still having trouble with. 

“Well, I kind of expected that, but it's still nice to know for sure,” Elaina muttered, sinking against her again. “I think that would be kind of terrible.” 

Vex agreed with her on that, and they spend the last few minutes before bedtime together before she send her off to get ready for bed. While she was waiting for Elaina to get back so she could tuck her in, there was a sudden, but gentle, knock against one of the windows. 

Stepping closer she could see a raven sitting on the windowsill, who seemed to spot her at the same moment and tapped the glass with his beak again. Confused but curious she opened the window to let it in.

The raven population in Whitestone was still ever growing, but for some reason she'd felt like they were avoiding her lately. And as if to prove her right, the bird outside the window fluttered into the room but ignored her, instead landing on the bed. 

“Hey there,” she muttered, stepping closer again and reaching out to pet it, something she knew the birds usually enjoyed, but all it got her was a painful nip in the fingers. “Ouch. What the fuck, brother.” 

The raven cawed at her, somehow managing to sound annoyed while doing so, and then went right back to ignoring that she was even in the room. But as Elaina stepped in, he fluttered up onto her shoulder and wasted no time in getting cuddly. Elaina didn't even seem surprised, just delighted. 

“Do you know that one?” Vex asked her, keeping a tight hold on the hand that had been pecked at to stifle the slight bleeding. It wasn't a serious injury, but still managed to hurt quite a bit. 

Elaina just smiled and ran a hand over the dark, ruffled feathers. “Yeah, I think he's been visiting me for a while now. A few months, maybe? I'm not a hundred percent sure if it's always the same one, but I think so.” 

It started nibbling at her ear in response, and Vex just sighed and closed the window again. “Alright, it seems to like you well enough. Just don't start carrying it around the halls, that might freak people out.”

“Nah, he usually leaves as soon as I wake up,” Elaina assured her, settling down on the bed with the bird now on her lap. Quieter, quiet enough that Vex wasn't even sure if she was supposed to have heard it at first, she added: “I like to think it's uncle Vax looking out for me.”

Elaina and the twins knew why the ravens were always friendly to their family, and were the only children so far that had been taken to the Raven Queen's temple as well. All in all, she wasn't too surprised that one was keeping a closer eye. Maybe it was a Keyleth-type situation, maybe it was just one of the smarter animals that had realized it would find shelter and food here. Either way, she wasn't going to take it from her daughter. 

So she finally kissed Elaina good night and turned to leave, extinguishing the last candles on her way out. “I'm sure it is, darling. I'm sure it is.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I decided to end this one a bit early, but it seemed right. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
> 
> Ages:  
> Vesper Elaina (14)  
> Freddy/Johanna (11)  
> Julius (9)  
> Whitney Arianna (6)  
> Olivia Cassandra (2)

“Mom?”

“Yes darling?” 

Vex replied, admittedly distracted as she finally took Johanna's fork away before the girl could stab her twin (again). As always, breakfast was a bit of a busy affair for the family. While the twins were at war for some reason, Olivia was more interested in painting the walls with whatever Percy was trying to feed her, and Julius and Whitney were lost in a book instead of eating. 

She reached over to close whatever they were reading, giving a pointed look as she nudged their plates closer. “Breakfast time, you have time to read later.”

“Mom!” Elaina tried to get her attention again, more forceful this time. 

“Yes, yes, sorry. What is it?” Vex asked, finally turning around to her oldest. The sour look hadn't disappeared from her face since waking up, and she was pushing her food around more than actually eating it as well. But as she actually got her attention, she sat up a bit straighter. 

“I want a hair cut,” she told Vex, her tone almost demanding. 

Vex was a bit confused at the request but shrugged. “Sure. But you're all due for one pretty soon anyway.”

“Yeah, but- I want it as soon as possible. Can we do it, like, today?” 

Vex mentally went through her and Percy's schedule for today and had to realize that no, it would most likely not be possible. “I don't think we can squeeze that in today. But why the rush, can't this wait another week?” She couldn't imagine that the sudden urge for a haircut would be that strong, but Elaina was nothing if not stubborn. 

“But a week is super long. Can we at least do it tomorrow?” came the expected reply. 

Vex sighed. Just as she was about to tell her that they could try, Johanna managed to send her spoon flying, and the bit of porridge that had most likely been meant for Freddy's face landed on Whitney's book with a wet splosh. 

“Let's talk about it later,” Vex told her quickly, before trying to handle the resulting chaos. While dealing with a defensive Johanna and a very tearful Whitney, neither Vex nor Percy noticed Elaina storming away from the table in a huff. 

It was also one of those days were they were both insanely busy, mostly because the council had insisted on starting the planning for this years Winter's Crest festivities early. After all, it had now been 15 years since they had freed Whitestone of the Briarwoods, and a lot of people seemed to think that this deserved some recognition. Just like the 5 year anniversary. And the 10 year anniversary. 

Being reminded of the whole affair like this always took a lot out of Percy, so Vex was focused on him and their various meetings for the rest of the day. As much as they tried to spend as much time with their children as possible, today was one of those day were the maids and servants had to babysit. 

(Vex actually spend one meeting mostly looking out the window and watching Freddy and Julius play in the gardens, an enthusiastic Olivia toddling behind them under the watchful eye of their favorite babysitter. At least the children never seemed to mind these days much.)

It wasn't until dinner that everyone was together again. Percy had gone to pick up Olivia while the twins, Julius and Whitney were still washing up after spending most of the day outside, which left Vex to go and collect Elaina. Apparently the girl had disappeared to her room again after her lessons for the day, which wasn't too uncommon by now. 

Knocking on her door, it took a few moments before Vex got a reply, a very hesitant “Yes?” coming from the other side of the door. 

“It's me, darling, can I come inside?” she asked, her hand already hovering over the door knob. But the almost panicked reply she got made her pull back. 

“Uh, no! Don't come in. I'm... busy. Come back later!”

Teenagers. Vex rolled her eyes, figuring that she probably didn't even want to know what Elaina was doing in there. “Well, alright. Dinner's ready though, I would like you at the table in ten minutes top, okay?” 

“Yeah I'll be there!” 

Satisfied with that answer she left, taking a few minutes to freshen up herself before heading back to the dining hall. Percy and the other children were already present by the time she got there. 

“Elaina's finishing up something in her room, she'll be right with us though,” she assured them, settling down in her usual space. So they waited, her and Percy using the time to catch up with the children about their day, but by the time the food was served, Elaina still hadn't appeared.

Percy was about to go call her again when she finally joined them in the hall, and the first thing Vex noticed was the thick woollen cap she had on. Sure, the castle could get cold, especially in the later months of the year, but surely it wasn't that cold yet. 

“Your food's getting cold, take that cap off and join us,” she said, waving her over to a free seat. 

Elaina settled down without a word, but didn't take off the cap. And Vex had to admit, there weren't a lot of strict rules they expected the kids to follow, at least concerning their status, but surely some basic table manners weren't too much to ask for. 

“Elaina, take it off, please. It's not that cold in here,” she told her again. 

“It's not because it's cold, it's a style choice,” she muttered as an answer. 

“Not at the table it's not.”

The glare she got in return could have been intimidating, if it didn't come from her own child. As it was, she glared right back, until Elaina huffed in anger and finally took the damn thing off. 

Which was- quite the reveal. Where there had been dark, thick, hair before, going almost to the middle of her back, was now a short cropped mess. It might have been an attempt at a pixie cut, but even for that it was too short. Vex could only stare at first, not quite shocked, but definitely surprised. 

Percy was the first to find his words. “Elaina, what did y-”

Before he could finish that, Elaina interrupted him, forceful and meeting anyone's eyes for the first time since she'd come into the room. “It's El. I told you, I- I want to be called El.” 

It was a nickname she had picked up over the summer, when Zarah and Kashaw had been visiting with their boys, and had refused to let it go again. But this was the first time she had gotten so angry about it. 

Percy took a deep breath but nodded. “El, sorry. But. What in Pelor's name happened to your hair?!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something that ends on a happier note. At least a little bit.  
> I hope to publish the next chapter tomorrow to keep the streak going, but it might take a bit longer than that.  
> As always, enjoy and let me know what you think!
> 
> Ages:  
> El (14)  
> Freddy/Johanna (11)  
> Julius (9)  
> Whitney Arianna (6)  
> Olivia Cassandra (2)

“Mom?” 

“Yes darling?” 

Vex was currently looking through El's closet, while the girl laid on her bed and refused to be helpful. They were looking for a dress for Winter's Crest, or rather seeing if the old one still fit or if she would need a new one. With how much she'd grown in the last year, Vex was sure that would be the case. 

When no reply came she turned around, pausing in her search to look back at El. “What is it?” 

“Uh... nothing. Did you find it yet?” El asked, running a hand through the shaved hair on the nape of her neck. It had turned into a habit since she'd cut her hair, or rather since Percy had saved what little hair was left and somehow managed to turn it into a proper hairstyle. She said she liked the way it felt. 

Vex turned back to the closet. “Not yet. But I found a lot of other things you should try on. If they don't fit anymore, Johanna may want to have them.”

“Do I have to try it all on though?” El groaned. “She can just have it, I don't really care.” 

“Well, maybe not today,” Vex sighed, seeing that her daughter was absolutely not in the mood to play dress up today. “But I'm sure you'd miss some of these.” 

There was no reply this time, so she just kept looking. Finally, toward the end of the closet, she finally found the dress she'd been looking for the whole time. 

“Aha, got it! Come on, you're at least trying this one on,” she told her, motioning for her to get up. If they did need a new one she would need to place an order as soon as possible, their seamstress already had enough to do after all. Almost everyone needed new clothes for Winter's Crest and had said so weeks ago, only Elaina had stalled long enough that they were running out of time now. 

With a long suffering sigh El dragged herself up, tugging off her thick sweater as she did so. She kept the undershirt and her pants, allowing Vex to help her into the dress and lace it up for her in the back. Vex made sure not to let it get too tight, and gently nudged her in front of the mirror once she was done. 

“Well, what do you think?” she asked, keeping her hands on El's shoulders. “It's a bit short, I guess, but that could be fixed easily. It's your choice, we can have this one tailored again or get you another one.”

El ran her hands over the soft fabric, colored a rich lavender with white embroidery all along the seams. It was beautiful, but Vex could see in her expression that she wasn't happy. She didn't even look in the mirror, just studied the dress and bit her lip as if she was holding something back. 

Vex sighed softly and ran a hand through her daughter's hair, ruffling it up a bit. “Alright, what's wrong? I can see that something's bothering you about this.” 

El shrugged at first, then met her mother's eyes in the mirror. “Well, it's just... I was wondering, could I maybe wear something else this year?”

“Something else?” Vex asked, not sure what exactly she meant. “I feel like you're not talking about a dress here.”

“No. I was thinking more like- like something Lady Kima wears? Maybe?” 

The first thing Vex could think of was the armour that Kima usually wore, but then she realized that El was probably talking about the suit instead. The one she'd worn last year when visiting them for Winter's Crest, which had been stunning to be quite honest. 

“Well, of course, darling. I don't see why not,” she told her, rubbing her shoulders a bit. “You don't have to wear anything you don't want to, and a suit really shouldn't be a problem. Let's get you out of this dress then.” 

They did just that, and Vex couldn't help but notice how relieved El seemed. 

She talked to their seamstress the same day, and they settled on an appointment the next week to talk about details and take measurements. El had to come along, of course, and the flock of raven's that followed her on their way into town wasn't an uncommon sight at this point. 

Another month passed, and a week before the festivities started everything was finally delivered to the castle. They already had enough to do with last minute preparations, but Vex volunteered (which meant winning a game of boulder, parchment, shears) to take a few hours aside and see if everything fit. 

By the time she got to Elaina's room, it had gotten dark. But at least that would be the last fitting for the day. 

After a brief knock she was let in, El seeming visibly excited to finally try on her suit. It didn't take long to get it on either, and Vex only had to fuss over a few buttons and seams before everything sat perfectly. Once again, she stepped behind her and waited for El to take a full look into the mirror. 

“Thoughts?”

“It almost looks like Dad's,” EL whispered, smiling widely as she fumbled with the buttons at the front. And she wasn't wrong, the color matched Percy's usual blue coat almost perfectly. It also made her look a bit broader at the shoulders, but still fit her figure. 

“Well, we could tighten it a bit around the waist, if you want to,” Vex told her, cinching the fabric with her fingers to demonstrate it. “But I don't think it looks too masculine, all in all. It's nice.” 

El quickly shook her head and tugged on it, forcing Vex to let go. “No, I like it the way it is! It's perfect, really.” She turned a bit in front of the mirror, still smiling and apparently unable to take her eyes off herself. “Can I keep it on?”

It was Vex turn to shake her head, as she'd been asked the same question by every single one of the children. “Absolutely not, that's staying in the closet until the festival. If there are any spots, or marks, or stains on that thing by Friday, I'm going to have a conniption.”

El groaned and rolled her eyes at that but did shrug out of the jacket again. “Fine, I guess that's fair,” she muttered. She was a bit more grumbly again as Vex helped her out of the clothes and put them away properly, but still seemed to be in a better mood than she'd been for days. Maybe even longer than that. 

And for the first time in over a year, a raven came to visit Vex that evening.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here's the end. Content warning for internalized transphobia, El doesn't know what's going on and there's a part where he's not being nice to himself.  
> I hope everyone's satisfied with the ending though, let me know what you think! ^^
> 
> Ages:  
> El (14)  
> Freddy/Johanna (11)  
> Julius (9)  
> Whitney Arianna (6)  
> Olivia Cassandra (2)

It was one week later. Friday. Winter's Crest.

The entire castle had been bustling with activity since early in the morning, from preparations in the kitchen to decoration to making sure all the arriving guests were able to settle in their rooms.

Keyleth had been one of the first, coming through the Sun Tree along with Derrig and his family. Grog and the gnomes had arrived on foot not too long after that, along with Tarry and Doty who they had apparently picked up along the way.

Zarah and Kashaw, bringing their twin boys, Allura and Kima, Gilmore, Velora, it didn't take long for the castle to fill up. As always, Vex couldn't help but miss her brother, more than ever in these moments, but she managed to keep herself busy until it was time for the opening ceremony.

It wasn't as official as it sounded, Cassandra would hold a short welcoming speech and Percy and herself would be expected to say a few words as well, but she could survive that. The rest of the evening, holding small talk with mostly other nobles and other important people she didn't like, was a lot worse.

Really, Vex was looking forward to the next day, when everything was more relaxed and they could join the townspeople in their celebrations. When she could actually talk to her close friends, to their old family, without the pressure of politics in the background.

But that would have to wait, and right now she was trying to round up the children to make sure everyone was presentable and present. Olivia was taken care of already, being carried around by Percy and enjoying her Daddy's attention.

Whitney and Julius were being entertained by Grog and the twins were playing with the tiefling boys. Anders and Bron usually spend most of their time with El, since they were the same age, so it was surprising for Vex to see them without her for once. She also couldn't find Elaina anywhere else, for that matter.

Asking around didn't get her anywhere, apparently no one had seen the girl in a few hours.

She herded their little group over to Keyleth, interrupting her friend for a moment. “Hey... I need to find Elaina, would you mind keeping an eye on everyone else for a while? I should make it back in time, but if not, just let them roam free once the official part is over.”

“Oh, sure! I'm sure I can manage that,” Keyleth told her with a smile, already reaching out to tug Whitney a bit closer, who happily cuddled up to her aunt. The other kids didn't need long to follow, and it warmed Vex' heart a bit to see her, once more, so comfortable with everyone. Fourteen years had done a lot for her self confidence and leadership abilities.

Confident that everyone was in place for now she briefly let Percy and Cassandra know what she was doing and then took off, continuing her search through the castle. She looked in El's room at first, but no one was there, not even one of the ravens. She checked the studies, the kitchens, every nook and cranny she could think of. No Elaina.

And the opening ceremony was going to start any minute now.

Frustrated, she sank down on one of the chairs in the dining hall and tried to think of another place where El could be. But the castle was big, and there was no way she could search every single room. Maybe sending out a few guards to look for her would help.

Before she could do that though, something else got her attention. A raven had apparently gotten in somewhere, and after fluttering up on the table it hopped closer to her and started to tug on her sleeve.

“What? What do you want now?” she sighed, carefully pulling away from the bird. “You spend the last year ignoring me and suddenly you're being all friendly again?”

The raven's had actually been more friendly towards her again in the last week, or at least not hostile, but she was still more used to them keeping their distance. This behaviour was still odd, yet she could have sworn that if raven's were able to roll their eyes, this one had just done that.

It came closer again, starting to pull on her hair this time and making an annoyed sound. It definitely wanted _something_.

She frowned at it's insistence, until it struck her. There was one person the raven's were extremely protective of, more so than of anyone else, and that was Elaina. Cursing her own stupidity she quickly got up, shooing the bird to fly ahead. “I got it, I got it! Lead the way, featherbrain.”

And it did, letting out another loud caw before flying off. It lead her through a few of the more empty hallways, through the guest wing, and eventually down toward the basement. It wasn't on the direct way to the Ziggurat, but she was still growing more and more worried, asking herself what in Pelor's name could have lead Elaina down here.

“El?” she called out for her, hearing her own voice echoing along the cellar walls. Even though she could see fine in the dark, she spend a moment to evoke Pelor's blessing, flooding the halls with light to make it feel a little bit less oppressing.

It helped, and as she rounded the next corner she could finally see Elaina's form, curled up against one of the walls and with her back turned towards her.

The raven, which had been sitting on her shoulder for the last hundred feet or so, quickly fluttered down to her and tried to get nestled into her lap. She looked up, seeming confused by the sudden light, and not only noticing the raven but also her mother for the first time.

“Hey there,” Vex said softly, approaching her slowly before kneeling down to be on her level. El definitely looked like she'd been crying, but at least she wasn't pulling away when Vex offered her a hug. Instead she curled closer, as if she was trying to disappear completely in the embrace.

The raven gave a soft sound of complaint when it was nearly smushed between them, but then seemed to find a position it was content with.

“I'm sorry,” El whispered eventually, though she refused to move from their position. “I know I should be at the ceremony, I know _you_ should be, I'm so sorry.”

Vex shook her head and held her even closer, one hand gently moving through El's hair. “Don't, it's okay. You know you're always more important, right?” She felt her nod against her chest. “Good, I don't ever want you to question that. Now, do you want to tell me why you're down here? What happened?”

She'd felt like El was looking forward to today, to meeting everyone again, to presents and wearing her suit and eating way more food than any child should. So either she'd been hiding something, something big apparently, or something had happened earlier.

She was still waiting for an answer when El pulled back from her, wiping a hand over her face to get rid of the new tears that had started to fall. Vex reached out to do it for her, a lot more gentle than the girl's own hands.

“I don't know. I don't think... I just got upset, it's fine,” she mumbled, only to get pecked at by the raven. It didn't draw blood, but it was still clearly meant to hurt, and even the betrayed look she gave it didn't seem to shame it.

Vex frowned and picked it up, which was met with some protest, but keeping her hands clasped over the wings she eventually got it into her lap. “You know,” she started, running her hands over the black feathers, “we all know these ravens aren't actually Vax. But we also know there's something of him in them, whatever that may be. And I often catch myself talking to them as if I was talking to him, or another person at least. It helps, doesn't it?”

Elaina nodded, still not speaking up though. Her eyes were fixated on the raven now.

Vex continued. “But sometimes, it helps even more to talk to a real person. Trust me, I've been through this with Trinket. Animals are great listeners, but sometimes their best quality is that they eventually push us to speak to someone else as well.”

There was a shaky exhale, and El bit her lip so hard for a moment that Vex was sure it would draw blood. Then she reached out to pet the bird between them and started to speak. “I was feeling really good this morning, and having everyone around was great. But- I don't know, everyone kept commenting on things that- that hurt. Like everyone saying that I looked pretty with the short hair, and what a pretty suit I'm wearing, just saying how _pretty_ it is. And Pike and Keyleth said that I'm growing into a strong woman, just like you.”

“But why did that hurt?” Vex asked, trying with all her might to understand what was going on here. “Did you feel like they were not taking you serious? Did you-”

“No, no that's no it,” Elaina insisted, interrupting her. “I- I don't know how to explain it!”

“Try and find the words, we have time,” Vex told her, reaching out to hold her hand.

El took another deep breath, not quite as shaky this time, though she still looked incredibly tense. Almost as if she was afraid.

“It's that I don't- I don't want to be called a woman? Or a girl, I think? It just seems so wrong sometimes, when I look into a mirror and all I want to see is Dad's stubble, or when touching my chest even by accident makes me want to throw up,” El stopped, taking another much needed breath, and then looked to Vex with tear filled eyes. “That's not normal, right? I shouldn't be like this.”

And all Vex could do at first was stare, as she realized how much she had failed her first born. In a fraction of a second it all came back to her, the many conversations and moments that formed a bigger picture now, and made so much more sense in a light she'd refused to see for so long. A light she of all people should have seen.

“Oh baby,” she whispered, tightening her hold on El's hand while trying to keep her own tears at bay. “There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, and I'm so sorry I didn't notice this sooner. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't talk about this.”

She got to her feet, nudging El along with her, and quickly drew her oldest into a hug again. “Let's take a walk,” she said, pulling away again. “I think I need to tell you a bit more about your uncle Vax, and we need to have a much longer talk.”

El followed without protest, seeming helplessly lost at the moment and staring at her like she'd grown another head. On their way outside she asked one of the servants to let Percy know that they were both okay, but that they were most likely not going to return to the festival today. She didn't let them know where they were headed, and the servant knew better than to ask.

As soon as they stepped outside, with Vex still shining like a beacon and lighting the way for them, they were once more joined by a few more black birds. The one that had gotten Vex' attention in the castle stayed on El's shoulder though, refusing to join his brethren which were flocking around them.

Not too long after, they reached the little bench in the woods that Pike had build so long ago. Vex settled down there, getting El to join.

“What are we doing here?”

“I thought it might be better to get you out of the castle for a while,” Vex admitted. “To speak more freely. And I feel close to my brother here.”

El nodded slowly, one hand absent-mindedly going up to pet the raven on one shoulder. “I once said having them close all the time meant he's watching over me, and you agreed. Do you really think so?”

“After what you just told me? More than ever,” Vex said earnestly. “I've never talked about it because I wasn't sure if Vax would have wanted me to, but even then, never bringing it up at all was a mistake as well. You know Vax and I were twins, right?”

“Of course, I think everyone knows that.” A small smile. Vex smiled back, though there was sadness in her expression as well.

“Well, you also know how similar we look,” she continued. “Which wasn't a coincidence. We were born as identical twins, and I mean completely identical.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that everyone thought that Vax was a girl when he was born, just like me. Even our own mother couldn't tell us apart for the first few days, from what she's told us.” Vex chuckled and had to stop for a moment, looking up into the starry night to collect herself again. It shouldn't hurt that much after 14 years.

She could also see that El maybe didn't quite believe her yet. “Well, pretty much as soon as we could talk, Vax started to become very vocal about being actually a boy. He wouldn't keep a dress on for more than three seconds, and would often throw a tantrum when our mother called him by his birth name. And eventually she stopped calling him that, and so did everyone else. And eventually everyone started to accept that little Vax'ildan was a boy like any other.”

El stared at her, still a little bit unbelieving. “Just- just like that? But how- why did that- I don't understand.”

Vex nodded. “I guess I'm making it sound a little easier than it was, but that's not the point. The point is that what you're feeling, as isolated as it may make you feel, you're not the only one who feels that way. And that you don't have to keep living a life that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

El sacked against her, not even crying at this point, just seeming very tired all of a sudden. Exhausted. Vex wrapped her arms around the kid and pressed a kiss to the dark hair. “It's okay, darling,” she assured El quietly, starting to run a hand up and down the back of the coat. “You'll be okay. We can figure it out, and you take as much time as you need.”

They sat quietly for a few moments, before El spoke up again, very quietly. Vex had to strain herself to hear it.

“Can you- maybe tell me more stories about uncle Vax? You know, stories about this.”

And so Vex did, telling her oldest everything she could think of. About Syldor and how he'd been one of the few people who'd taken an issue with Vax' transition, while actively trying to hide it from the rest of Syngorn. How it had factored into the many reasons why they'd left. How Vax had started to work with potions and magic to eventually feel more comfortable, and how terrified he'd been of telling Vox Machina since he preferred to live stealth, but living in close quarters with a lot of people makes that difficult sometimes.

They sat out there for hours, until their fingers were feeling numb and Vex couldn't even feel her toes anymore. The cold had seeped through their coats about thirty minutes ago and left them both shivering, so with the promise of a warm fire Vex got both of them moving and onto their way back up to the castle.

Epilogue

\- One Year Later -

It was Winter's Crest. Once again. One year after El had told Vex that he wasn't her daughter, one year since the sour teenager she'd known had become a lot happier, and a lot more communicative again.

She'd been able to convince him to tell Percy the same night, after her poor husband had spend most of the night worried sick about them. And after that it had been easier to let more people know, though he'd still been hesitant to do so before the festivities were over.

But by now everyone who was important to them knew, and she could clearly see how much of a relieve it was for El. He enjoyed spending time with his siblings again, and with his aunts and uncles now during the holidays (Keyleth's new sweater with a simple “El” stitched into it had nearly made him cry, and he'd proudly worn it all day).

Vex still kicked herself when thinking about how much sooner she could have helped him, not that that guilt was very productive now. Instead she tried to support him wherever she could, now that it counted. Which meant freshening up her knowledge on potions and transformative magic again, with the help of Pike, Gilmore and Keyleth whenever they had the time.

They weren't that far yet, El had said he needed to take it slow and everyone respected that, but it was definitely a topic of discussion. Just as the search for a new name, because the boy still felt incredibly guilty for, as he put it, rejecting his heritage. They were working on it, trying to assure him that whatever name he ended up taking, no one would be mad. That no ancestor mattered more than his current happiness.

She was still reminiscing about that when something abruptly ripped her from her thoughts, namely Grog running past her seat with a bunch of excitedly shrieking children and Scanlan on his shoulders. With a grin she got up, finally joining the little group of her friends that had formed not too far away. Freddy and Johanna were also there, pestering their father about something.

While on her way over, El, Anders and Bron ran past, apparently chasing Grog, and El stopped just long enough to give her a tight hug.

At last, their everlasting chaos seemed to be at peace again.


End file.
